My Last Pregnacy - Month 9

*** This post was way longer than I ever imagined since I lasted to nearly 41 weeks!***

Journaling from Month 9 (and 10 of being pregnant): Weeks 37 until Baby Brown's arrival

37 weeks: What A Week!

This was a big week for my mom, on the day I was 37 weeks and 3 days my amazing mother went under the knife for a double mastectomy with full reconstruction, a nearly nine hour surgery and twelve hours from prep to coming out of anesthesia. My mom was diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer on December 20, 2012 at 63 years old, less than two months after loosing her mother/my Mema, to stomach and esophageal cancer. I am so proud of my mom for how strong she has been through this all.

While spending so much time in the hospital with my mom, I used my mom's sonogram machine to try to find the baby's heart rate!

With other feelings this week, emotions have flooded me about the love I have for Carter and Addie. I don't feel like I can tell them enough how awesome they are. The proudness that swells up in my heart for both of them feels like it is going to explode out of me. I've been extremely un-overly-emotional this entire pregnancy, staying very calm and stress free during the last nine tremulous months. However in the last several weeks, I have found myself bubbling over, laying awake at night, thinking about how amazing our too oldest children are... and how precious this stage of life is with them. No video games, cell phones, boys or girls on their mind, friends haven't taken priority, no back talking or attitudes, just genuine amazing children that want to be at our sides doing whatever we are doing. This is such a short stage in life and I want to soak it all in and make sure being busy with a newborn doesn't prevent me from enjoying this time with them.

We spent lots of time at the rodeo while I was 37 weeks pregnant and I needed lots of help putting on my cowboy boots!

Wednesday night, the same night as my mom's surgery, I woke up around 2:45AM with strong side and back pain that took my breath away and caused a huge amount of nausea to over come me for 4-5 minutes. I had a smaller episode three hours later and in between laid in bed, freaking out that this sweet baby maybe coming significantly earlier than I had really anticipated. See... I have never even felt a true Braxton Hicks "fake" contraction with either previous pregnancy so whatever Wednesday night's episode was really made it feel real for both Blake and I. We both laid silently in bed tossing and turning, unable to sleep, thinking that this is coming fast. My extremely long "nice-to-do-while-on-maternity-leave-list-for-four-full-weeks-before-baby's-arrival" quickly became "the-top-MUST-do-list" topping the list with start packing for the hospital and buy a new washer and dryer since ours completely went out a week ago.

With news I was 50% effaced and 1 cm dilated at 37.5 weeks pregnant, I finally decided to seriously pack for the hospital.

The following day, at 37 weeks and 4 days, I went in for my normal weekly check-up with Dr. G to have her smile and say, "The heart rate is around 135, I can easily feel the head AND you are dilated to a 1 and 50% effaced!" I honestly wasn't that surprised with the news but it further reconfirmed my switch of priorities for everything I needed to accomplish. She asked if I wanted to be induced, I confidently said, "NO!" and at the same time, Blake yelled. "Yes!" So in front of our doctor we are having a pretty serious (trying not to seem too serious) discussion on why he suddenly wants to induce. It was sweet, after the night before's sudden contraction or whatever it was, he was scared for me since we honestly don't know what to expect with the early stages of an at-home-labor. He hit the nail on the head when he said, we are both filled with this unknown fear of the unknown. It is the biggest stressor we have about becoming parents for the third time. We have both found ourselves googling "what to expect with early labor" and somewhat disappointed when every person's story is completely different. I understand how he is worried for me and what I will go through and I find it unbelievably amazing but feeling the early stages of labor by not being induced and starting the process naturally has been the number one thing on my list since before we were pregnant and I don't want to waver from that goal just because the "known" is easier on me.

Me and My Bestie at the beginning of our 31 and 38 weeks pregnant - Feb 2013

38 weeks: Waiting and More Waiting!
Since knowing I am dilated and having those weird pains last week, I have these mixed feelings of excitement ready to meet our baby and wanting to wait and take as much time preparing for the baby's arrival ahead of time. It's has been a long holiday weekend of President's Day and it has been nice sleeping in everyday and having Blake and the kids home with me getting SO many projects done around the house. Every night, laying in bed before I drift off to sleep, I wonder if this will the last night I sleep with this amazing human being inside me. Although he/she has eased up on the kicking since they are around seven pounds at least, I still try to soak in every time they kick or move around, knowing it could be one of the last times.

I'm still slightly anxious about the unknown labor at home but excited at the same time for that first feeling. The last few days I have felt back to normal without any strange or unknown pains, rather just slight back pain late in the day if I over-do it on my feet and soreness when turning over in bed in the middle of the night. Right now at 7AM on the second day of week 38, I feel like it could be another week before I hold "Baby Brown" in my arms.

38 weeks and 5 days: The progress made a week ago has haulted which is actually really nice. I feel back to normal again (well, like 35-36 week pregnant normal) with no significant new pains since a week ago Wednesday night. At my weekly check up this afternoon, I was still 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced, the baby was at a negative 3 station and Dr. Gallagher's exact words were... "that baby is still way up there which may not mean much, many babies don't drop until actual labor has already been going on." The heart rate was a tad faster in the 130's and even reached 140 for a second. It sounded like horses galloping. Of course Blake was there but my sister, Erin, joined us as well this visit so she could see what a 38 week check up looks like. Besides that, it was pretty laid back... who knows if I will be back for my 39.5 week check up next Thursday... part of me doesn't mind now that I have calmed my excitement down and realized that I could possibly have a full week to just relax since almost everything on my maternity to-do list has been checked off... let's just say that my label maker has been working overtime the past three weeks!

39 weeks-Sunday February 24, 2013

Being at peace at being patient is what I feel like life is all about right now. I really do feel like this pregnancy has proved to myself how much I have matured in the realms of patience and letting go of some control. As we enter what chances are our last week of pregnancy, I can't help but be happy that I potentially have another week to experience this miracle growing stronger and stronger each passing day, inside me. Of course, I can't help but wonder with everything we do, what it will be like "the next time I am here," for instance at church this morning, then Costco trying to imagine how we we orchestrate our new family of 5's runs. Climbing in to bed each night, taking a shower each morning.... I can't help but wonder if it will be the "last time" before I'm never pregnant again. I'm not sad about it at all, just very aware.


39 weeks and 3 days: For the last 3 nights, Blake and I have laid in bed laughing at my stomach and its crazy lopsidedness. This baby is on its side with its hinny up, leaving my normally round stomach looking like it has a slide built in. We took some pics tonight with the kids just to remember these last few nights and later Blake and I tried to feel the baby parts protruding out. Today, I felt significantly more weight and pressure in my stomach while standing up and walking but besides that and heavy nasal congestion, I haven't noticed any significant changes yet. 

So as of now, as long as the baby doesn't get too big for a natural delivery, I don't mind waiting another week to meet this much anticipated "Baby Brown." The good news is I have been measuring right on for the last few weeks.  We are just waiting for any minor change in the way I feel that may signal a change coming. Will that change tomorrow or this weekend? I honestly have no idea and won't waste my time worrying instead just soaking in the last few days I have without middle of night feedings. I'll also enjoy Blake asking me a million times a day if I'm okay when he hears me groan or grunt while turning over or getting up.

39 weeks and 5 days: Just home from my weekly OB visit and NO PROGRESS to report. The baby was still very high and she couldn't even strip my membranes, due to this. She said it didn't mean anything and I could still be in labor tomorrow reminding me that many times a baby doesn't drop till labor is in full swing. It sound funny, but it gave me hope when she said "you are a ticking time bomb."  I am still measuring right on at 39 weeks and when I told her my concern of the baby getting too big, she said she wasn't worried about that at all because most of the time babies don't gain any weight after 39 or 40 weeks and in fact loose weight due to the placenta pooping out. Just for my own sanity, we set up an induction for a week from today on Thursday March 7 at 7AM... after all this patience and waiting, I am not quite sure how I feel about doing that but I figured I can always cancel it early next week if I want to. So in the mean time, I am going to start walking... Blake and I just returned from a slow paced 30 minute walk where my stomach did get very tight, especially walking up small hills. We took the kid's out for a second walk after dinner as well!

It's funny to see how lop-sided my tummy gets at night these days when the baby turns on it's side with it's bottom way up!

40 Weeks: March 3, 2013 

40 Weeks: It's Our Due Date!: Leaving church this morning standing talking to Julie, I felt strong sudden tightness all below my and around my tummy.... I wondered if I had to go to the bathroom and that really wasn't the case and it lasted another 2-3 minutes as we walked outside to see Sean's new car. I was even having a hard time bending over to look into the window. We were all excited and Julie wanted to take the kids with her right then but I was afraid we would jinx it if we did anything dramatic like that so instead we loaded up and I decided we needed to make a run to Milberger's Plant Nursery to get some plants to plant in our front yard. (Random... this hasn't even been on my to-do list over the last month.) I kept walking while we were there praying for another one, came home, planted the plants and walked/jogged up the hill for another hour. I had one additional small tightness but nothing the whole rest of the day and night! ;( I am starting to have thoughts that I maybe the one woman in the world that goes to 46 weeks pregnant... I assume these are totally normal thoughts for women that greet and pass their due dates so I am not too worried.

What a 40 week pregnant belly button looks like.

40 Weeks and 2 days: I honestly didn't think I'd still be journaling about this pregnancy at 40 weeks and 2 days pregnant but here I am... after a productive morning around the house and running errands for a few hours this afternoon, I'm exhausting all advice (except for ingesting Castor Oil, so far) eating Hot and Sour Soup where I've added Spicy Tai Peanut Sauce AND Tabasco... near the bottom of the bowl it was so spicy, I was coughing so badly yet refused to drink any water because I heard being slightly dehydrated can bring on contractions. Another thing we read that can help release oxytocin and help start contractions is laughing so I just watched my first two episodes ever of Duck Dynasty, cracking up hysterically and now I am off right now on a walk with my wonderful hubby right before we pick up the kids.  I scheduled a dentist appointment on Wednesday afternoon hoping that doing this would jinx me and put me into labor.... so far it's done nothing.

Walking and eating spicy food has been the main activities once hitting forty weeks! 

40 Weeks and 3 Days: I woke up feeling great (unfortunately.) It was really weighing heavy on my heart about setting up the induction last Thursday for this coming Thursday 3/7. I felt like it did make a difference to give my body an additional day to go into labor naturally so I called my doctor this morning and asked to change it from Thursday AM to Friday AM. I as able to get the last slot on Friday at 6AM and for some silly reason, I feel more at peace about it.

40 Weeks and 4 Days: Do you think it is a boy or a girl?

It's one of the most common questions I get and it's been the same exact answer, (except for the one week I made myself believe it is a girl so I could design her nursery in my head) I have NO IDEA!!! No inkling, no feeling, nothing still. I honestly don't care as I really believe that GOD will give us what our family needs! So in the mean time, I have DOUBLE the baby stuff laying around ready for the instant I can pack up either the blue or pink set and pass it on to my sister for her to possibly use one day!

I want to remember this emotional roller coater of feeling being over forty weeks pregnant. Most of the time, I feel thrilled that I feel so good that I have been able to do so much getting the family/house/myself ready for this baby and at peace that it might not come until I am almost 41 weeks. But then there have been times each day over the last couple of weeks of slight frustration and feelings of wanting to desperately feel those first contractions at home perhaps in the middle of the night and rush off to the hospital and be well on our way to meeting our new family member.

40 weeks & 5 days:

My last day ever of being pregnant. Wow... and I ended it in awesome fashion... an impromptu happy hour with Regan and Cindy... if laughing really could put a nearly 41 week pregnant woman in labor, I should be pushing right this second. I had a lovely brunch with my mom at my favorite breakfast spot - Magnolia House where I smothered my eggs in Tabasco. The last 48 hours Blake has been doing reflexology around my ankle and I have to really say I felt it in my stomach when he was pressing.... there is definitely something to it! But for the main part today, I just let it go... let all control I thought I may have go and just enjoyed the last full day EVER of being pregnant today.

These were the four names we ever mentioned in the last 40 weeks.

7:50PM on Thursday night, 3.7.13, the VERY last picture of us as a family of four (well five with Smokey!) Tomorrow it will be FIVE!!!!

Well, that's it. In nine hours, I will be on my way to the hospital and I am SUPER READY!!! I had a sign from GOD today telling me that I was ready to be induced which has turned all sadness into excitement.  You ask what it is?!?!??!? A hemorrhoid! Yes, I have NEVER experienced one and this one afternoon's of pain has help me be at total peace with inducing this baby in nine hours!!! ;)